Conspiracies Gone Wrong
by inkwolf222
Summary: After finding out there is a very definite difference between 'Tammy' and 'Tam-Tam', Constance and Daphne try to think of different ways in order to see it themselves. Part Two of the Tam-Tam series


After finding out that Tammy is not as innocent as she may appear, Constance and Daphne wanted to experience 'Tam-Tam' for themselves. To say they were shook after the Big Reveal™ would be the understatement of the century, especially Constance who looked up to Tammy as a pseudo-aunt after she adopted Lou and Debbie as her parents. It had become somewhat of an inside joke between everybody to call Debbie and Lou "Mom" and "Dad" respectively, but for Constance it was more truth than joke.

While lounging on the couch the two spit-balled ideas on how they could possibly get the high-strung blonde to let her hair down. They wanted to see this 'major' difference between Tammy and Tam-Tam, not caring that some of the other women were sitting right there. Amita was listening on in amusement while Rose sat there spacing out every now and again and just nodding her head whenever Daphne asked her a question.

Tammy and Nine-Ball had taken the kids to the zoo for the day before dropping them off at their grandmother's house, Lou was busy with her club and Debbie had disappeared somewhere without telling anybody when she'd be back. Constance was still working up the nerve to ask Debbie for something other than metro cards (like if she could maybe accompany Debbie to wherever it is she disappears to, or better yet, a hug) but being left alone did have its perks. Such as being able to scheme. Aloud. Right in the living room.

They'd already vetoed a bunch of ideas. Can't take her to a club (the last time she ended up looking after everybody else while still dressed in her mom-jeans), couldn't ply her with alcohol (Tammy refused to drink anything other than wine, they didn't know why), couldn't spike her wine ("Just no, Daphne."), couldn't slip something in her food ("Once again, no, Daphne.") or mess with her medicine ("DAPHNE, FOR THE LAST TIME, NO!").

Constance was just starting to think she might have to come up with a plan on her own – and to never eat or drink anything Daphne ever gave her again – when Devil Woman herself suddenly exclaimed, "I got it!"

Taking in her manic grin, Constance prepared to once again shoot down whatever psychopathy is about to rear its head and gave a little nod for the actress to go ahead.

"Brownies."

The simplistic and seemingly irrelevant answer brought Constance up short, but before she could muster up something more eloquent than "Huh?" the brunette ploughed forward almost as if she sensed the pickpocket's previous thought.

"Look, I know you said no to putting something in her food, and I'll admit maybe my previous suggestions were a _teeny bit _over the top," Amita's disbelieved snort of laughter went completely ignored. "But what if we bake pot brownies? It's something we all can eat, so it won't look suspicious like making something just for Tammy, plus she has a sweet tooth. Best thing is its completely harmless and it doesn't go against any of your silly objections."

As she sat back in smug satisfaction, Constance couldn't decide whether she wanted to kiss Daphne for her (non-psychotic) brilliance or give herself a smack upside the head for not thinking of it sooner. It was genius! While none of them minded that Nine smoked, Tammy was the only one that didn't join the hacker for a blunt every now and then when the mood struck. In fact, Tammy was the only one that came across as numbingly normal. She went for a run every morning, didn't have wild hairstyles or make-up, still dressed in her "Mom-wear" most of the time, drove a mini-van, didn't smoke or drink to excess and even ate kale. If she didn't know her as well as she did, Constance probably would have thought Tammy would've been the easiest mark in the world! Oblivious, over-stressed suburban soccer mom. Constance nearly snorted.

Looking back at Daphne, she gave her mischievous grin.

"I like it."

Two hours (and a raid through Nine Ball's stash) later, the four absent members of their team came through the front door together just as Daphne and Constance were finishing plating up the brownies. The two of them look up and grin widely but other than Amita, who just rolls her eyes again (though she's definitely having one of those because what self-respecting person doesn't like chocolate), nobody else seems to notice. Rose is too busy sketching on the couch while Lou and Debbie are debating with Tammy over the best way to remove the very large red and yellow stains on the front of her clothes and Nine is trying her damnedest to stifle her laughter at the aggrieved blonde's appearance.

"Hey guys." Constance greets the group as they draw closer to the kitchen area, Daphne echoing the greeting before turning to their intended target.

"What happened to you?" blunt as ever, Tammy merely lets out a sigh.

"As we were walking to the car the kids stumbled over a crack in the pavement and crashed into me with their half-eaten hot dogs." she pouted. Her indignant expression finally broke Nine Ball's restraint and she laughed out loud along with the rest of the team at the ridiculousness of the entire situation. The blonde let out a huff and crossed her arms, not finding it funny. This was one of her favourite sweaters, dammit!

Getting her giggles under control, Daphne gave her a bright smile as she pushed the platter across the counter towards the frowning blonde.

"Would you like a brownie? Constance and I made them for Game Night but I'm sure it'll make you feel better."

It might just have been good luck that they had so happened to organise a Game Night for that evening, but one doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth as they say, and Daphne was thanking her superior acting skills for being able to pull off that statement without bursting into giggles. As it were, Tammy was too put out to give a second thought to the unusual behaviour. Appreciative of at least a little bit of sympathy, she thanked the duo and gave them a kind smile as she took two brownies. Levelling a glare at her still giggling friends and girlfriend, she stomped up the staircase to go take a shower and try to save her clothes.

Constance and Daphne followed her pathway with eyes glittering with mirth and mischief. When she was out of sight and they heard the bedroom door close they turned to each other with huge grins and burst out giggling. A throat clearing behind them brought their attention to Debbie and Lou, one standing with crossed arms and a cocked hip and eyebrow while the other stood hands-in-pockets and a smirk adorning her lips.

Suddenly feeling like a kid about to be scolded for getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar, Constance tried to give Debbie her best innocent smile, desperately resisting the urge to shuffle her feet. Simply raising her eyebrow a bit higher, Debbie stares down the young Asian girl she's come to adore for reasons she tries not to acknowledge too hard. She knows the two wouldn't have done something too serious, she has faith in Constance and trusts her ability to restrain Daphne's wilder ideas, but she's calling bullshit. While she's definitely not angry she is curious, they're up to something and she wants to know.

Seeing the exchange, and knowing something of her young friend's feelings for the older woman, Daphne decides to rescue her.

"They're pot brownies." She says simply.

Debbie's eyes immediately snap towards her.

"Excuse me?" sounding for all intents and purposes as if she couldn't care less about the answer.

"I wanted to make pot brownies to spice things up a bit tonight and I asked Constance to help me." She shrugged. "I wanted to have some fun and she was game, so we raided Nine's stash and here we are." Turning to Nine Ball, Daphne at least had the grace to look mildly apologetic. "Sorry for taking some without asking, but we wanted it to be a surprise."

The hacker merely waved her away from her slouched position on the beanbag, happily munching on a brownie she'd snagged when nobody was looking.

"Nah, s'all good. They ain't bad." Coming from her, Daphne took it as high praise.

Being raised by criminals, Debbie knew how to spot a lie from a mile off, not even half-truths got passed her no matter how small. She knew the other brunette was mostly lying. And she had a niggling idea what this was really about. Shaking her head at the train-wreck about to unfold, she chanced a glance at Lou and could see the lanky Aussie had caught on to the plan as well judging by the twinkle in her eyes and the curve of her smirk.

Considering they'd all done far worse than eating a space cake, Debbie decided to let them have their fun. Their reactions alone would be worth it in the end. Eyeing the huge amount of chocolaty goodness, she turned back towards the pair with a smile.

"Well then, tonight just got a whole lot more interesting."

40 minutes later everything had been cleared in the kitchen, clothes had been exchanged for pyjamas or lounge wear, pizza had been ordered and delivered, drinks had been poured, pillows were placed on the floor around the low coffee table and the games had been picked and set up. After sorting out some music to play softly in the background, everything would be ready, and they just had to wait for Tammy to make her appearance.

They were buzzing with anticipation.

By now everybody had eaten at least one brownie and it was starting to kick in. Nine Ball, of course, didn't act any differently while Debbie and Lou were mostly the same but seemed a bit more relaxed than usual. Amita, Daphne and Constance all had a nice little buzz going and were chuckling at Rose who was hit the hardest and was currently beset by the church-giggles. Besides Tammy, Rose smoked the least and would usually only take a puff or two to offset her nerves.

On the one hand Daphne thought her girlfriend had never been more adorable, on the other she couldn't wait to see how Tammy reacted.

Just as the thought crossed her mind, Tammy descended the stairs in her pjs. Taking the seat between Nine Ball and Lou she was directly across Daphne and Constance, who had chosen their seats with great care, and proceeded to snag another brownie from the platter set in the middle of the table. Without much hassle the group decided on Pictionary and quickly got the game underway.

A few hours later they were finishing up the last game for the evening, having moved on from Pictionary to Heads Up, then Trivial Pursuit, Clue and finally Charades. Any type of card game was banned since half of them could count cards and Monopoly was also vetoed since Rose was the only person to ever win (even high) because the others were always too busy stealing from the bank to realise they were running bankrupt even with their illicit funds.

Throughout the evening Constance had kept a close eye on Tammy. Daphne, while also keeping an eye, was a little distracted by the adorableness of a giggly Rose. They had watched her polish off most of the brownies by herself, the others only nibbling on one here and there, and were understandably confused at her _complete lack_ of reaction. It was as if she'd eaten nothing but a harmless kale salad! No giggling, no delayed reactions, no slouching, just… _nothing._

Sharing a befuddled look, they nearly missed the blonde claiming the last brownie after packing away the game boxes. They gaped at her in wonder as the treat vanished in less than a minute, staring as she licked some crumbs off her thumb.

Their reactions were too much for Debbie and Lou, who had tried their best to keep their amusement to themselves, and Lou let out a loud bark of laughter which finally broke Debbie and the two collapsed into each, clutching at their stomachs as they gasped for breath. The sudden cacophony was enough to stir the two brunettes out of their gaping and they joined the rest of the team in staring at their dashing leaders in puzzlement as they wheezed out their laughter.

"Okay, I know the brownies were good, but they weren't that strong." Amita decided to chip in.

Getting their giggling under control, Lou just shook her head, unable to wipe the smile off her face, as Debbie pointed a finger at the 'devious duo'.

"You should see your faces right now."

"Well how were we supposed to know they wouldn't affect her?" Constance threw her hand in Tammy's direction.

"Woah, hey, what are you guys talking about?" the blonde put her hands up in a placating gesture.

Understanding finally dawning on the rest of the group Rose, Amita and Nine Ball all turned to stare at the fence with their own befuddled expressions. They had all somewhat forgotten that the brownies weren't regular brownies, and Tammy most certainly shouldn't be acting completely sober.

Faced with six very confused faces, Tammy let out an exasperated sigh.

"Why are you all staring at me like that?"

"The brownies," Amita pointed at the empty platter. "They weren't regular brownies. They were pot brownies."

"I know."

"_**WHAT?!**_"

Her casual answer threw them for a loop. Even Nine Ball was shocked.

Simply shrugging, she got up to refill her wine glass.

"I knew. Next time you guys might want to use a bit more cocoa powder."

Returning from the kitchen with a full wine glass, she was faced with 5 flummoxed faces and Debbie and Lou's amused ones.

"… wha-?" Amita couldn't adequately express her disbelief.

Sighing as she sat down next to Nine Ball on the couch again.

"They should have used more cocoa powder. If you don't get the weed to cocoa ratio right, it has a bit of a bitter aftertaste. Also, if you want the weed taste to be completely masked you can add some chopped almonds."

Taking a sip of her wine, the others don't seem to be capable of doing more than staring at the blonde. Even Nine Ball's looking at her as is she's seeing her for the first time. Constance only manages a squeaked "Hunh".

"Oh, you also might want to use 3 eggs instead of 2. Makes the brownies moister. You have to compensate for the extra dry ingredients after all."

Somewhere along the line, Daphne pulled out a pen and notebook from God knows where and was writing everything down. The experiment might have failed, but hey, these were some good tips. Lou suddenly pipes up.

"You should just Tammy for her space cake recipe, Daph. Those things were amazing."

"Hell yeah. Tammy makes the best space cakes on the eastern seaboard." Debbie nodded her agreement.

"Aw, thanks guys." She graced them with a small smile.

Leaning over to fake-whisper at Daphne so that everybody else could hear too, Lou added.

"You should ask her for her Tornado recipe next time. That shit's the bomb."

Debbie gave Tammy a conspiratorial smile, which the blonde ignored looking a little shame faced.

"Punch is supposed to be strong, but Tam-Tam's Tornadoes will have you walking on your ear."

"Literally." Lou added with widened eyes. "That's why Rusty is deaf in his right ear."

"Oh yeah," Debbie jumped in again. "Make sure you don't have any appointments for the next few days. The hallucinations can last up to 48 hours." Lou just nodded along.

At this point, nobody thought their eyes could get any wider, but they were proved wrong. With Debbie final remark, a few felt their jaw unhinge. Rose squeaked. Nine Ball fell off the couch.

Huffing as she checked on her girlfriend, Tammy rolled her eyes at her friends' dramatics. Getting the all-clear, she helps Nine up on the couch all the while muttering something that sounds suspiciously like "you deafen a guy ONE time".

Minds having come to a screeching halt, Daphne and Constance have no idea what to do. 'Shook' doesn't seem like an adequate enough term, they felt like their whole world has been tipped on its axis, everything they know is a lie, shaken to their very core. Rose, Nine Ball and Amita clearly weren't fairing any better.

Settling back on the couch, Tammy levels a glare at her two oldest friends.

"You guys are horrible. And completely exaggerating." She takes another sip of wine before softening her expression in Constance and Daphne's direction. "Thanks for the brownies though, you two. Better luck next time."

Her wink is followed by laughter as everybody shakes their heads at the ridiculousness of the entire situation.


End file.
